How I almost cancelled the trip

OCTOBER 25, 3pm
We've been in this truck for two days straight. We've had 2 blowouts, one on the trailer, one on the truck, only to find that the tires we bought in May were antiques, destined to crumble after short service, and that our jack and tools have been lost, discarded as superfluous, or traded for some magic beans, depending on who it was that parted with them. We bought a truck tire from some dudes that all talk like Boomhauer on King of the Hill, and then broke the tire lift system putting away the spare.
Besides the two blowouts, we've pulled 2 more nails from another tire. I can't help but feel good though.
We're getting closer. We're driving west across Florida now. Home of Jeb Bush, Tony Montana, and the destination of the Butthole Surfers dancing to sausages the size of Ray Bolger in a traffic jam. At least that's what I think they said. Nothings going to keep us from doing this. Except one thing. One thing ALMOST did. I forgot to write this part earlier... How this trip almost didn't happen.
What's the one thing that could keep us from going? Well, if we lost the boat.That might put a little kink in the plan. It happened like this: we're driving along, and when you get up to about 55 or 60 mph, the boat and the trailer start to do this hula dance behind the truck. And when you try to correct it, you make it worse, usually. And to step on the brakes risks a jackknife and I can testify, there's really nothing quite like the experience of going 60 or 70 on the expressway, sideways, with the trailer pushing the truck along, visible only through the passenger door window, (where it shouldn't be) and then looking out the driver's door window and seeing signs coming at your face, coming within a foot of it, right up to the window and then disappearing below the truck, out of sight. It's quite an experience. Really quite fascinating,and fun to recollect as you clean the shit out of your pants. And since that anecdote was caused by a trailer ball coming out of a bumper, and the trailer hanging on chains alone, I don't use the chains anymore. Because if that trailer comes loose, I don't want it anywhere near me.
So where was I? Oh yeah. So, the truck's swinging a lot, and it makes me really nervous, since it's the last thing you think before you jackknife: Gee, the trailer seems like it's really swinging a lot! BOOOOOM. Etc. So we get out to move the gas cans around in the boat so that the weight is really even on both the front and back of the trailer axle. How do you know if it is? Well, you disconnect the trailer ball of course. Check the balance, and then set it back down on the ball. And then, what you're SUPPOSED to do is tighten the receiver back onto the ball. OR, the ALTERNATIVE is to get yourself a king sized box of chocolate covered tootsie rolls, a coffee, a Red Bull, and then jump in the truck, and start driving. And then, as you drive along, you can ruminate on how well the trailer is riding along back there, hardly pulling at all, and you hardly feel the trailer, and how clever you are, as you jam another handful of sugary treats into your hungry piehole.
Until you figure it out: the boat, the trailer, all of your work, your home for the next several months, your most valuable possession, your EVERYTHING, is coasting along with just the receiver SITTING ON TOP OF the trailer ball. TOTALLY DISCONNECTED, just balancing there precariously, fortunately, until you hit a bump, a turn, or run over a pebble, or the wind blows. And then the comedic moment when I realize I'm racing down the road like this, and totally crap my pants (figuratively, my friend, figuratively). The only thing more hilarious than the blood curdling scream of a little girl that I made might be the look on my face if the boat sailed past me (so to speak) in the passing lane. So anyway, to sum it up, I pulled over, supercautious and all, and managed to completely stop without ditching the boat. As Yoda once said, "SUPER SCARY THAT WAS." I am an extremely lucky person. Maybe a bit daft. Let's see how I do on this trip overall, and I'll let you be the judge. I promise to document as accurately as my pride will allow. Kirk out.